Friday, December 12, 2008

Finally! Wasnt plannin on that...

Wow I am really sorry for going longer and longer without having a post! I have been busy with school stuff, church stuff, work stuff and D all of the above! But hey I am sorry and I will try to do better!....

Well I do not really have anything too cool to write about.. Today was very uneventful.. Like very uneventful. I had class, than came home chilled for a bit, read a little, than Worked on a paper, had dinner with the Family, went to lifetime than watched Reign Over Me.. Good movie I recommend it!.. Not amazing but still good! YOU KNOW WHAT MOVIE I DONT RECOMMEND!?!?
I AM SAM!!! Good gosh that is the saddest movie i have ever seen!! Dont get me wrong it is a fricken good movie, but its so hard to watch! OMG Like i wish i could really convey to you how sad and depressed this movie made me! Let me restate though... it was still a great movie and the more I think about it the less sad it makes me... BUT STILL!

Anyways time for the personal part of the Blog...
Well, right now im listening the CD Saviour King by Hillsong and trying to get my head straight.. But anyways I think I am going through more than I thought I was... I just feel like a lot of stuff is piling on right now and I am not sure why. I think one of the biggest things right now that is bothering me right now is my Brother Caleb... I know he will prolly read this but I dont really care right now. I love Caleb, A lot. He is my brother and I havent seen him in... Well i dont know, I havent talked to him face to face for like 3 or 4 months... or longer I dont know really. I use to look up to Caleb with so many things. He was always confident and he was always good at everything. He is my older brother I mean what younger brother doesnt look up to his Oldest brother? I mean come on??
I use to look up to him because he was so strong in his faith... I remember seeing him with Eric Rose at our Church Winter Retreats worshiping God with great enthusiasm! Even Today I think about his example when I am worshiping God. He was such a Good leader.. So many people looked up to Caleb and respected him. The past month I have talked to 3 people that Caleb influenced too have a stronger relationship with God. One of those people Caleb was involved in bringing that person to Christ. He led small groups and really tried to help strengthen so many peoples Faith. I looked up him with finding a great wife! A great Wife! (Love you Jess!) I was thinkin about maybe trying to modeling my life after his...(not everything but certain things) He is my older brother and I use to look up to him......Not anymore
How can you say that was all fake? What happened?! So it was all a lie?! Your life was a lie and you had to Leave your wife and God Lying? I use to Listen to your advice, I use to admire you.. No more, thats all out the Window. Caleb was one of my biggest inspirations... I actually remember writing that in class in 8th grade. I remember the Warm feelings I had toward you.. Yeah I dont really know where those went.
He probably thinks that I am most mad about him Leaving Jess... You guys have both moved on. Yes, you are a coward for leaving her like that, You ARE NOT a Knight in Shiny Armor. . Its the fact that you dont care about your Lord and Saviour anymore. I have never felt so much love or comfort from anyone else than Him. Yeah I know what he is saying to himself right now.. "your God is not my God" Or like something about how are family is not "forgiving" him. He knows why we are doing this..HE KNOWS.. He just refuses to accept it.
He used to be the influence, He use to be the role-model, He use to be my older brother... Now he feels like a distant friend.
I dont know if its the competive spirit in me or what.. and this might sound proud or bad.. but... I want to be better than He was, and Is.. I dont want my life and Faith to be fake or Weak! I want to be stronger than he was. I dont want to fall into the things he did. I want to be honest. I want to be trustworthy. I want to be a better man than He is. In the end I want him too Look up to me. I want my Life and my Faith to be an Influence too him! I want to be his role model.
You think you know better than me and that Life will eventually catch up to me and I will see how it really is. You think this is just a stage. You think my passion and my convictions will fade... I pray to God that they wont!

I want to thank you Caleb for making me stronger. I want to thank you more showing me what I should never be. I want to thank you for giving me your example.

I did not plan to write this much about this... but it just Flowed out.. I was going to have a picture of the day... but thats not happenin..

I love you bro!

3 comments:

L Tips said...

Christopher! Two things...
One, as you know, I agree... Caleb was a great leader and such an influence to many young men and it sucks where he's decided to go with his life... Granted, I'm not his family or was even that great of friends with him, but I miss him. I miss the guy he used to be.
Two. You are a greater/better man than he is. You have been such an encouragement to me and to many others. You have a great heart and an awesome personality. I'll keep praying for Caleb, but also for you and for strength and endurance to keep pressin' on. God is going to to continue to use you in huge ways. It encourages me to be in your small group, but more importantly, your friend. Your "extended-church-trip/conference-buddy." I love you, bro!
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Philippians 1:6.

myblackheels said...

chris, you are an inspiration. so many good things have come to me from writing a blog. that would have never happened if i didnt see the passion you pour out onto your blog. you are so strong, and dont for a second think you are weak! hearing about what you are doing to pursue the best relationship with your heavenly father proves that you are convicted. your life mirros the desires of your savior. you are incredible and your brother will learn from you. trust me i know how it feels to have older siblings let you down, and how uncomfortable it is to be the stronger one but be the youngest and try to lead your older siblings the right way. God will bless you. dont let this be a burden, rather an opportunity to grow =)

Mr Caleb said...
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